Friday, 27 February 2009
I am frustrated, upset, disappointed, demoralised, disheartened, incompetent, unimportant, pissed, on the brink of giving up and full of stress.Most of all, I am so very tired. Emotionally and physically. However, I feel that if I don't let out my feelings now, I'll continue brooding about it over weekend.
I don't update the choir blog nowadays because I have nothing else to blog but the discipline. It doesn't seem very... Decent to scold the choir through the blog. Anyway, I'll just continue.
So, from my point of view...
We, the committee members, are desperately trying hard to solve these problems so that the next committee won't "inherit" them. Dolly and I are working superbly hard so that the future SL will not have to go through (or at least as bad as) what we are going through now.However, lately, I feel like our efforts are not appreciated by the choir. Even Dolly, who's the more patient and lenient one as compared to me, felt the same way during sectionals. Like we are
unimportant, incompetent and simply not worth our own dear section's 17 muscles which are required to smile.
I seriously felt like screaming at them on Wednesday after the alto's mini sectionals. I didn't of course since the choir had already assembled and it would be against one of my personal beliefs of which to
never scold someone or a section in front of "outsiders". It would be super embarrassing. Instead, I asked them questions which to my dismay, they didn't answer correctly or enthusiastically the first time. Nor during the second time. Hopefully, they would reflect about their behaviour with the help of the questions and be better the next time.
But as you can tell from the third paragraph, they did not get better the next time.
Today, Ms Ong had to work on the same things which she had corrected a week ago or so. I felt like scolding the altos right then and there during combine when they got their timing worn for Natsu. For god's sake, can't you people just pulse at places when we have to come in in the middle of another section's part?
As usual, I endured every blow that came my way. I endured the tired looks of my juniors during the first sectional of the day. I endured the stab when the sec 1s were distracted and ignored me when I was in the middle of advising them. I endured every act of ill-discipline during the mini sectionals today.
I know I told Agnes to be strong as I have always believe that if I tried hard enough, the altos will turn around and say, "Hey, this girl is actually worth listening to. I will do better starting from now." Sadly, the only thing that keeps me coming back to choir is my passion for singing and this strange but deepest belief.
But even beliefs are difficult to maintain and passion can just fade away if they only bring horrible encounters.
Labels: choir committee, tired
-strips of memory
9:30 pm
